now i know why i became what i already was.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
