i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
