you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
