Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
