I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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