After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
