Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
