just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
