I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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