i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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