Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
