i'm signing you up for texting rehab
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
