She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
