The brown eye won't let me do that either.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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