You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
