Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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