And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
