did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
