Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
