You're my little dorito
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
