I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
