I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize