There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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