I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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