He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
