Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
