One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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