I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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