it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
