Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
