Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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