My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Threesome in a minivan. New low
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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