meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
