Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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