you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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