Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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