Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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