mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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