youre lurking in front of me
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
smell my finger.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
it's great music for shaving your balls
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
