Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
