look no pants
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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