im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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