Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
