Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
