someone owes me an orgasm
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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