then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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