everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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