I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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