just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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