...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
