Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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