I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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