My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
