I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
