where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Randomize
