I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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