Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
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