shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
my shit smells like andre
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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