I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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