I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
