and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
