you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
