Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
