The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
