Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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