There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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