okay pat passed out under dana's car
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize