i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
