i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
