I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Randomize
