He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
