I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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