So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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