Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Reggie can tackle my bush.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
